Adoration and Infatuation

Dear Reader,
In my last post I mentioned a certain look of adoration I have been receiving. Sure, It's nice to be noticed and all that, but today was an awkward one.

I was in my car on my lunch break and my co-worker, we will call him 'D', shows up. He is off today, but came by and noticed I was there. He pulls his car around to where I'm parked, gets out of his and walks up to my window to chat. He starts to somewhat reveal his feelings for me. He tells me I'm pretty, I say "no I'm not, but thank you". He asks me to come to his house and we can get "shit-faced". He knows good and well that I'm married, as is he. I politely decline his invitation.

In the next car over, there is another co-worker of mine on her lunch hour as well. D leans into my car and asks, "kiss?" I say, "D! No, there are people around", and I blush. We know all too well how people in the workplace can talk up a storm about what they may or may not have seen. D and I did not kiss, nor would I for that matter. I don't need any kind of rumors being spread about something that is not happening.

With Love,

The 'N' word.

Dear Reader,
Only until recently have I been looked at of some adoration. I know, I'm thirty and have never seen anyone look at me that way, not even my husband. Now, the look of lust,that look I have seen, ha ha. No, I'm not cheating.There is this older man at work who is also married, but is on the verge of a divorce. I haven't egged him on in any way, and we are just work aqquaintances, however, he would like our "friendship" to be more, just not in so many words.How do I tell him to back off nicely? He isn't too forward,yet. Oh dear, this could turn out to be very bad!


I happen to be a very friendly person,and hate to say "no" to anyone for fear that I may disappoint. Take jack for instance, he is also a coworker of mine and also a neighbor, (seriously, he lives two doors down from me!). He is ALWAYS asking me for rides and such. Jack recently wrecked his car and he feels it is everyone elses responsibility to get him from point A to point B. At first, it was just a ride to the gas station, then it was "I need to got to the hospital, I think I have pnemonia". (Ten minutes before I was scheduled to be at work, *eye roll*) My husband and I drive a 14 year old car that, yes, we are still paying on, but almost through. We discussed the topic of selling it to Jack and paying off the car and using the rest of the money to put a down payment on something newer. (My bright husband told Jack he would look for a car for him to buy,and Jack is/was dependant on that. He wasn't looking for a car himself in the least bit.) So anyway, we decided it wasn't a good idea after all, and made several attempts to let Jack know that we had changed our minds. Jack would never answer his door, and when I would see him at work I could never bring myself to tell him about our newest decision.

A few days ago,Jack is quizzing me on my schedule when I see him at work, he needs a ride somewhere, no doubt. He starts in on how his insurance company has settled everything and he is ready to buy my car, a.s.a.p., like last wednesday...ha ha! So,I just blurt it out that my husband is leaving for three weeks and that car is my only means of transportaion. He starts to get all huffy and puffy about it and says, "well, I don't know if I can wait three whole weeks!" (Holla!) It's not my fault you can't drive and wrecked your car! Just when I think this conversation is over, "Can I borrow THE car at twelve on wednesday?",(mind you, I was going to be at work...) just like that, he asks. Like it's OUR car or something! I sort of told him no? I told him that I didn't think that would be a great idea, since I don't have insurance on the car. (WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?)

Fast forward to yesterday. I'm pulling into a parking spot at my apartments, and out walks Jack. Oh geez, what now?! Stalker. I just wanna get into my home and relax. Jack walks straight to my car and says "Can you run this set of keys back up to work, I'll give you five bucks, matt,(a manager) needs them to close up tonight," I'm having a semi-conversation with my brother on the phone and he is diligently trying to hang up with me, I say, "do you just want me to meet you at your house?" My brother is a little confused, asking "who are you talking to?!" "Jack, I can't, I have plans." "Please, ten bucks?" "I can't Jack, I'm not even heading that way". Jack stares at me with disappointment (like I care) and says "ok well,bye" The truth is, I wouldn't have done it for twenty bucks, nor did I care if he watched my car all night waiting to see if I really was leaving. I said NO, and that was that, well I said "No" in NOT so many words...heh.

My point is, I cannot say no, I always find myself making up these horrible little lies to avoid the confrontation, or disappointment. However, I feel no guilt. And why should I? This fool is old enough to be my grandfather. He is a big boy and can take a cab ride, he makes more than I do! (I cash his paychecks, so I know.) Anyways, I know I'm not the only one with this so-called problem, but how do I get over saying the 'N' word without fretting and racking my brain for a quick-fix lie?

With Love,

You mean I have to do what?!

Dear Reader,
My husband is leaving this Sunday for three weeks, yep, I said THREE weeks! UGH! Who will I torment untill his return!? Corey has been unemployed for a few months now, and he has decided to start driving a truck for a living again. So, to do that, he has to go back to school to get re-certified, but the good news is that he will have a CDL license and is supposed to be guaranteed a job in Birmingham when he completes this program.

Of course we will talk on the phone every night,I'm really bummed because this will be pretty much the longest that we will have spent away from each other in our marriage. The saddest part is...I will have to tend to the litter box...eekk! Oh, and I'll miss him too, but isn't there some kind of service I can hire to do that for me? I loath the litter box! Plus, we have this deal...I do the grocery shopping, he does the laundry and cooks. This is because I am an obsessed with clipping coupons and almost always having a coupon for everything I buy and This embarasses him. Couponing really is like a time consuming job. Another annoying reason he does the laundry is that we live in a studio apartment, which has no washer/dryer connections, so we...errm he travels about two or three miles down the road to take care of that. What? I travel the same distance to buy our groceries, so we split up the responsibilities around here. It sure beats arguing about it. Did I mention I loathe the litter box?

Anyway, I love my husband, and I will surely miss him, but I know the time will fly by. Also, I know that we have to make some sacrifices to get ahead in life. With the economy the way it is, we feel that we have no choice in the matter, plus his school is being paid for, thank god. Thats all for now, y'all. You will hear some ranting from me soon enough! ;)

With Love,

Blueberries

Dear Reader,
Okay, so a few weeks back I wanted some pancake mix, blueberry to be exact. Now, I understand that there are 'imitation' blueberries in it, but I wanted it, so I bought the mix. And it was good. However, I've been having this weird dream about,not the mix itself, but blueberries. I am not one that usually remembers her dreams, it's rare if I do and the dreams are always in bits and pieces, so lets see if we can make sense of this.

I'm sleeping and someone is demanding some breakfast, (who, I can't figure this out, maybe my cats are hungry?) then I am alarmed to find that blueberries are being tossed at me. One by one, I can feel them being pelted at me, it's annoying. I am then left trying not to squish these strewn blueberries with my feet, or lay on them, (since I am in bed). The very thought of puncturing one or more blueberries is frightening, so I get up slowly, as if to tip-toe around egg shells, and make my way to the bathroom where I look in the mirror and I am covered in blueberry stains, but it looks like blood.

I'm in the shower, trying to come clean of these stains, but I keep tasting the blueberry taste. I then wake up to find Oscar, my new kitten, suckling at my arm like he is trying to find a nipple so he can nurse. Oscar runs away when I make him realize that I am not cat-mommy, but that sucking sound remains imbeded in my memory.

This makes no sense at all, but it is a bit humorous to me. If any of you can shed some light as to why I would be dreaming about something so odd, please share.

With Love,

There Are No Do-Overs!

Dear Reader,
As I nestle into the comforts of my couch, I remember wanting to grow up so damn fast, to be out on my own making money and such. Why did I not believe every adult that told me "There are no do-overs"? I obviously wasn't listening. I mean, I know I could never have stopped time, but I sure could've tried harder to achieve the things that seem so distant to me now.

Now, don't get me wrong, I did follow through with a couple things. I paid my own way through Cosmetology School, got my Master's License, and did hair for ten years or so. But, even that didn't last, I got a bit burned out. ;)

So anyway, in High School, I guess you could say I was a little math-challenged and quit trying so much. I was more content with having a social life and planning that weekend's activities. I wanted out...and quick!

Looking back, being thirty-something, I wish I knew better. I wish I already knew then what I know now, but doesn't everyone at some point? I wish I'd listen to other's advise about how to really use a Credit Card for your own personal gain in the future, get good grades so you can go to college and work towards a good job and not have money struggles...yes, there are certainly no do-overs in life.

But I am happy for the things I achieved and have. I'm grateful for my husband, friends, family, my health, the fact that I have survived some pretty horrible things in my life. I'm most grateful for a forgiving God.

With Love,