No words.

Dear Reader,

I have had the worst weekend EVER. This is just a taste of a post to come. You all will understand later.

1)I will not be traveling with my husband.

2)I have realized just how amazing of a support system I have.

3)Life WILL go on, it just has to. (No, nobody died...yet.)

4)I cried all weekend and still am, I'm hurting and allowed to grieve.

5)I am not a weak woman, I will learn, grow, and get stronger from this mess.

With Love,
Katie

Walkin' on sunshine....

Dear Reader,
The past 2 weeks have been absolutely horrible! My Birthday was a disgrace. I was alone for more than half of it and I cried...multiple times. As you all know, my husband is done with his training and is out on the road on his own (whoo hooo!),this means at the end of his 2 weeks by himself, incident free, I can go with him. However, I really am kinda homeless at the moment and we were going to sneak me in ahead of time because (1)we miss each other and (2)it was the obvious plan and solution for the hubbs and I. It's exciting.

Anyway, he had to leave without me, not this past Monday, but the Monday before. I was crushed. I told him I didn't wanna be alone on my birthday, he (in his best efforts to keep me calm) assured me that he would be here to spend it with me. I had a gut feeling that it wouldn't happen. Annndd it did not. So, on my birthday, my brother cooked dinner for me, and he bought me a cake that (while pre-heating the oven to cook some of this dinner) he had forgotten that he hid in the oven and burned that and the plastic container it arrived in. We ate around it. It was really a depressing day, I didn't even get an uplifting or encouraging card, this made me sad, Nor did I get to buy myself a gift, as I had quit my job a month ago thinking I'd be long gone by now. Little did I know my world would be slowly but surely crumbling down around my plans.

So last night I was on my way to visit a dear friend of mine, and the hubbs calls me. He asked how much gas I had and said he had a surprise for me! Turns out he was in town parked at a family members house and i could stay the night with him in the truck! I was ecstatic, and in shock that he had kept this from me the whole day. have you ever shared a bed in a truck cab before?! Very hard thing to master! This will take some time, for sure. Hubbs is coming back to take me away forever on either Tuesday or Wednesday and our journey begins! I'm so excited! We will also celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary on the 18th, it's sure to be a much better day than my birthday. Until my next post....

Love Katie

I laugh because it's funny.

Dear Reader,
My hubby came home on yesterday morning! I was and am so excited to have him back! Immediately, my stress left my body. We did have some things to take care of, we sat at the DMV for a couple of hours because he had to renew his CDL license. What fun.

A couple of weeks ago, the hubbs and I had some issues and I had to drive to KY to get him and we took care of some business. Well, even though we had no choice, it was not a good one. His trucking company assumed he had quit and cut off all access to his card, which he gets paid on. We have been so poor! UGH. Yesterday they released eighty dollars for him to get the CDL renewed. But that still didn't help with our personal situation. Let me tell you, scrounging up some change for toilet paper and cigs is not fun. Ha Ha! But nonetheless, it's always interesting with the hubbs and I.

More to come soon on our future journey!

With Love,

It's like an early birthday present!! (not really.)

Dear Reader,
Well, thanks for stopping by for my updates, I've got some good & exciting news! So, those of you that have read my recent posts know of my recent arrest. I went to court on Tuesday, terrified they would lock me up again because I did not have a dime to my name. As soon as court started, the Judge wants to acknowledge all the bad-check-writers. He requests us all, there were quite a few of us, to stand up when he called our name (in public! Embarassing!) and enter our plea and ask to speak with someone. So, this girl is first, and she's like, "I guess plead guilty, and I wanna speak to someone". My brother slaps my knee and says "That's what you should do!!" I'm like...uhhhh, okay. My turn comes and I plead guilty. Yes folks, I'm the new not-so-proud owner of an adult record. I mean, It's a misdemeanor, but STILL! The court gave me six months to pay this not so little debt off, for that I am grateful. AND I can leave the state! I met some interesting people waiting for my "deal", if you will. There was Toni, who sat beside me, and is a nurse, who wrote a check to dominos. DOMINOS Y'all!!! I mean, c'mon, she had to feed her kids. Then there was this guy who wrote a ten dollar check. Yep, I said TEN dollars. You know what that ten dollar check costed him? $425.00!!!!! I'll never write another check. EVER.

I am finally done with moving all my stuff into a storage facility because I am going over the road with my hubbs. It's going to be so fun & I am so excited! As of this moment, he will be home in less than 13 hours. *SQUEE!!!* He had to come home anyways to renew his CDL license. So, this makes me a happy girl because I won't have to greyhound it alone to catch up with him. Now, on another note, a bitter and very sour note, If anyone reading this post or knows someone who is even thinking about going to truck driving school, research, research, and research! My husband and I were lied to time and time again about promised bonuses never paid to him, new-er trucks to train in that instead they had to drive trucks that were breaking down everyday, and most importantly, we were informed there would be plenty of trainers so the guys could learn properly, but no, what happens? A trainee is backing up and runs a fellow student over and sends him to the E.R. I was furious. The whole time, the only thing that came out of this experience was a little more knowledge and a temporary CDL. Also, research the company you'll be driving for...just sayin'.

My dad is doing as well as can be expected. After his heart stents, he was admitted into the hospital two more times. He cannot breathe. The doctors cannot figure out what is wrong. His heart is okay, no asthma, no emphasema, lungs look good, I don't understand! I pray they will find out what is causing him to be uncomfortable with his breathing soon.

My brother and his BF just got a studio apartment of their own, I hope they will be very happy there, but it is a little 'ghetto-ish' at night, so this concerns me. They'll be okay though. I hope. Ha ha.

Well, that's all I got for now...I hope to be able to blog and share pictures from this experience. Thanks for reading, see ya soon!

With Love,

Humiliation at it's best.

Dear Reader,

Six days ago my phone ran out of minutes while in the midst of talking to my husband. I decided, at midnight, that I would run to Wal-Mart to get a new phone card and refill my minutes. On my way back home, two minutes from my home, I was pulled over by the police. The cop claims he pulled me over due to my tag light being dim...not out, but DIM! He then asks for my license and car insurance. I hand him my I.D. and I am searching for my proof of insurance that does not exist. Meanwhile, praying. Praying hard. The cop says he'll be back and goes to run my info. After about ten minutes of "searching", he comes back and asks me to turn my car off and step out. Oh shit, I'm thinking. This is not good. My minutes are not yet replenished and I have no way to tell my husband of my arrest. Now, before you go judging me, I am not a bad person. I swear I'm not. Turns out, I had written a check for some groceries last summer and it slipped my mind to take care of it. SHIT!! Stupid, stupid stupid!

Needless to say, I was arrested for a bad check warrant, if you will. The cop hand cuffs me, asks if my husband can come get my car, I tell him no because he is out of town, he is a truck driver. The cop then asks if anyone else can come get it or it will be towed. I tell him, yes, my brother can come get it but he lives twenty minutes away. The cop then informs me they don't have time to wait so we will need to tow it. SHIT!!!! More money I don't have.

Since my warrant is in the next county over, they take me to the nearest booking station where I am finger printed and a nasty mug shot of me is taken, placed in a cell, ten minutes later, an officer from the county my warrant is in pulls up. He then cuffs me, drives me thirty minutes away, where I am then, yet again finger printed and another mug shot taken. At this point I am not crying, so I am sure this picture looks better.

I then get to make my phone call(s). The officer was nice enough to let me have my cell phone to get numbers from it. 1st call-hubby: no answer. 2nd call- brother: no answer. 3rd phone call- brother's BF: no answer. Repeat. Back to my brother...He answers like this: "I am calling bail bond places now." Oh thank GOD!!!! Two hours later, I'm free...with a date, in court. UGH!

Well, thanks for reading! Updates to come on my case.

With Love,

On the road again...

Dear Reader,

My husband and I have decided that I will leave my job & join him on the road! I am so so excited! First of all, we haven't seen each other in weeks and I miss him terribly! After some weeks of considering this, we have made it final and I put in my two week notice. My last day will be September 3rd.

My brother, Corey and his boyfriend will be taking over my apartment and he will be buying my car. I am giddy with excitement! Can y'all believe I'll be living in a truck with my hubbs?! I mean, I know the hubbs will be busy working/driving, but think about all the places I will get to see for free. I am bringing my lap top, (for blogs & facebook) and my camera for some gorgeous photography to share. I am sure the blogs will add some humor. More to come soon!

With Love,

Update on my dad!

Dear Readers,
My dad is doing well, he had three blocked arteries, so he had two stents put in and the third is being treated with meds! It was a long day, mom drove everyone crazy, but thats how she deals. haha. I am truly thanking god that things were not worse!

With Love,

Thoughts & Prayers please!

Dear Reader,
I am only posting this blog here and nowhere else because I have too many family members on my Facebook page, they will pester me with all of the questions I have few answers to.




I was supposed to work today, but I called in because of...well, read my previous post. I am in pain. But worse than that pain, my heart hearts. It hurts for my parents. My dad has been having what we all thought were panic attacks, but today I found out it is something much more serious. Tomorrow he is having an Arteriogram done. I had no idea that he was having issues with his heart! If that proves what his doctor is thinking, he will need a heart stent. My dad is only 53 years young. This terrifies me. I know Cardiologists do this on a regular basis, but still nothing will ever prepare me for anything major, like open-heart surgery, which I pray to god he will not he will not have to endure. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.

With Love,

Decisions, Decisions.

Dear Reader,
Okay guys, this is a hard one for me. For you to fully understand what all I have been through and the decision I am faced with, I will start from the beginning.

When I was twelve years old, Santa brought me my very first period on Christmas Eve. When I was sixteen, Santa brought me a very painful cyst on my ovary on Christmas Day, resulting in an E.R. visit.

As a little girl, I wanted nothing more than to grow up to be a mommy. I had a great appreciation for women and their round belly pregnancies. I would stuff a pillow up my shirt and stare at myself endlessly in the mirror. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost seven years now, but when you have poly cystic ovary syndrome and endometriosis, things can be very aggravating and devastating.

About two years ago, I had been bleeding for two months straight. It was a painful experience. I went to see my gynecologist, Dr. H. On this visit, he said that I had qualified for a hysterectomy quite some time ago. Of course I was tired of this endless cycle of misery, (no pun intended) we scheduled the surgery that day. My next day at work I was telling a co-worker about my decision and she influenced me not to go through with it. We prayed together. I cancelled my surgery, and after much more praying, my cycles got better and hubby and I started trying again. No luck. Almost four months ago it started again and hasn't stopped.

This time, it has been much more painful and heavy with lots of clotting. I have an appointment with Dr. H. on August 9th and I am scared of what I will hear this time. My husband and I have talked about the fact that I may need to go through with the hysterectomy this time. We talked about everything a few nights ago and he said he was tired of seeing me in pain and that there is always adoption. While I know this, my dream of carrying a child is crushed? The very next morning, I woke up and turned the t.v. on and to my surprise Dr. Oz was on and guess what the topic was? The number one surgery not to have! I watched this show, open-mouthed. It's a sign! Yes, I know that it may still need to happen, but if Dr. H. suggests a hysterectomy again, I WILL visit another doctor for a second opinion.

Well, thats really all I have for now, I will keep y'all posted on my doctor's visit and any outcomes that will be determined. Please pray for me, I need all I can get.

With Love,

Got my nails did

Dear Reader,
So today I went to get my nails did with my brother in tow. I was in such desperate need of a fill-in, I bounced in the shop, (not my normal shop) picked out my loverly color and was on my way to pretty-nail-land again.

After my nails have been buffed and I am sent off to wash my hands of acrylic debris and cuticle oil, its time to get them polished! *squee!* As the first coat of polish is applied, I notice a hair (not mine...eek!) on my half-polished thumbnail! I make it a point to show my non-english-speaking nail tech. by making a sound of sorts, but all he does is paint over it! UGH! Whatever, I have the same color at home, I will take care of this myself. I'm just happy to have my nails did. I lead quite the exciting life, eh?

With Love,

10% Tanning tax is racism?

Dear Reader,
This post may tick some of you off, but it is something that needs to be said. By now, I'm sure most of you may have heard about the "10% Tanning Tax" that began on July 1st. I think this is one of our governments best ideas! Why is everyone getting so worked up, anyway? If you can't afford this meager ten percent, then you probably should be spending your money more wisely anyhow.

Most of you don't know that I am a melanoma survivor. I grew up around beaches, as I was a military brat, and yes, even spent a little time in tanning beds when I was younger. My diagnosis of melanoma was a very scary experience, It wasn't just some "sun spots" that could be cut off. My cancer was so deep that when I had surgery to remove it, I was left with almost a four inch scar across my shoulder blade, and it is not pretty! The melanoma had spread to my lymph nodes under my left arm, which resulted in my doctor having to remove twenty-two of them, that scar isn't so pretty either. Then, guess what? Chemotherapy. I had to experience that five days a week for six weeks in office and the remainder of the year with at-home injections three times a week. I don't want pity or sympathy, I want people to know just how far vanity and stupidity can take you.

The part that just makes me so sick is the fact that people are using this new tax law for their own advertising! Saying things such as 'Tired of paying tanning taxes? Join our gym and never be taxed for it again because we have FREE tanning!' Guess what guys? You are STILL paying taxes to tan because you can't expect us to be paying for your gym taxes too, right? By that I mean when I had cancer, I didn't expect for tax-paying citizens to pay for my chemotherapy just because I had not protected my skin all those years. Get real. Somebody has to help fund this health care bill. And that, my friends, is where the majority of the money will end up. Don't like it? Don't fake and bake. It has to be better being pale or using sunless tanners than being orange anyway. Plus, it speeds up the aging process and your wrinkles will appear before they should, but botox can fix that right up...oh yeah, thats being taxed also.

*Steps down from her soap box*

I don't want anyone to have to go through what I went through, even though, it could have been worse. If not caught in time, I could have died. Please, I ask you to wear your sunscreen.

With Love,


P.S.
Please stop calling this tax 'racism' and the 'white people tax'. That is taking it a little too far.

Adoration and Infatuation

Dear Reader,
In my last post I mentioned a certain look of adoration I have been receiving. Sure, It's nice to be noticed and all that, but today was an awkward one.

I was in my car on my lunch break and my co-worker, we will call him 'D', shows up. He is off today, but came by and noticed I was there. He pulls his car around to where I'm parked, gets out of his and walks up to my window to chat. He starts to somewhat reveal his feelings for me. He tells me I'm pretty, I say "no I'm not, but thank you". He asks me to come to his house and we can get "shit-faced". He knows good and well that I'm married, as is he. I politely decline his invitation.

In the next car over, there is another co-worker of mine on her lunch hour as well. D leans into my car and asks, "kiss?" I say, "D! No, there are people around", and I blush. We know all too well how people in the workplace can talk up a storm about what they may or may not have seen. D and I did not kiss, nor would I for that matter. I don't need any kind of rumors being spread about something that is not happening.

With Love,

The 'N' word.

Dear Reader,
Only until recently have I been looked at of some adoration. I know, I'm thirty and have never seen anyone look at me that way, not even my husband. Now, the look of lust,that look I have seen, ha ha. No, I'm not cheating.There is this older man at work who is also married, but is on the verge of a divorce. I haven't egged him on in any way, and we are just work aqquaintances, however, he would like our "friendship" to be more, just not in so many words.How do I tell him to back off nicely? He isn't too forward,yet. Oh dear, this could turn out to be very bad!


I happen to be a very friendly person,and hate to say "no" to anyone for fear that I may disappoint. Take jack for instance, he is also a coworker of mine and also a neighbor, (seriously, he lives two doors down from me!). He is ALWAYS asking me for rides and such. Jack recently wrecked his car and he feels it is everyone elses responsibility to get him from point A to point B. At first, it was just a ride to the gas station, then it was "I need to got to the hospital, I think I have pnemonia". (Ten minutes before I was scheduled to be at work, *eye roll*) My husband and I drive a 14 year old car that, yes, we are still paying on, but almost through. We discussed the topic of selling it to Jack and paying off the car and using the rest of the money to put a down payment on something newer. (My bright husband told Jack he would look for a car for him to buy,and Jack is/was dependant on that. He wasn't looking for a car himself in the least bit.) So anyway, we decided it wasn't a good idea after all, and made several attempts to let Jack know that we had changed our minds. Jack would never answer his door, and when I would see him at work I could never bring myself to tell him about our newest decision.

A few days ago,Jack is quizzing me on my schedule when I see him at work, he needs a ride somewhere, no doubt. He starts in on how his insurance company has settled everything and he is ready to buy my car, a.s.a.p., like last wednesday...ha ha! So,I just blurt it out that my husband is leaving for three weeks and that car is my only means of transportaion. He starts to get all huffy and puffy about it and says, "well, I don't know if I can wait three whole weeks!" (Holla!) It's not my fault you can't drive and wrecked your car! Just when I think this conversation is over, "Can I borrow THE car at twelve on wednesday?",(mind you, I was going to be at work...) just like that, he asks. Like it's OUR car or something! I sort of told him no? I told him that I didn't think that would be a great idea, since I don't have insurance on the car. (WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?)

Fast forward to yesterday. I'm pulling into a parking spot at my apartments, and out walks Jack. Oh geez, what now?! Stalker. I just wanna get into my home and relax. Jack walks straight to my car and says "Can you run this set of keys back up to work, I'll give you five bucks, matt,(a manager) needs them to close up tonight," I'm having a semi-conversation with my brother on the phone and he is diligently trying to hang up with me, I say, "do you just want me to meet you at your house?" My brother is a little confused, asking "who are you talking to?!" "Jack, I can't, I have plans." "Please, ten bucks?" "I can't Jack, I'm not even heading that way". Jack stares at me with disappointment (like I care) and says "ok well,bye" The truth is, I wouldn't have done it for twenty bucks, nor did I care if he watched my car all night waiting to see if I really was leaving. I said NO, and that was that, well I said "No" in NOT so many words...heh.

My point is, I cannot say no, I always find myself making up these horrible little lies to avoid the confrontation, or disappointment. However, I feel no guilt. And why should I? This fool is old enough to be my grandfather. He is a big boy and can take a cab ride, he makes more than I do! (I cash his paychecks, so I know.) Anyways, I know I'm not the only one with this so-called problem, but how do I get over saying the 'N' word without fretting and racking my brain for a quick-fix lie?

With Love,

You mean I have to do what?!

Dear Reader,
My husband is leaving this Sunday for three weeks, yep, I said THREE weeks! UGH! Who will I torment untill his return!? Corey has been unemployed for a few months now, and he has decided to start driving a truck for a living again. So, to do that, he has to go back to school to get re-certified, but the good news is that he will have a CDL license and is supposed to be guaranteed a job in Birmingham when he completes this program.

Of course we will talk on the phone every night,I'm really bummed because this will be pretty much the longest that we will have spent away from each other in our marriage. The saddest part is...I will have to tend to the litter box...eekk! Oh, and I'll miss him too, but isn't there some kind of service I can hire to do that for me? I loath the litter box! Plus, we have this deal...I do the grocery shopping, he does the laundry and cooks. This is because I am an obsessed with clipping coupons and almost always having a coupon for everything I buy and This embarasses him. Couponing really is like a time consuming job. Another annoying reason he does the laundry is that we live in a studio apartment, which has no washer/dryer connections, so we...errm he travels about two or three miles down the road to take care of that. What? I travel the same distance to buy our groceries, so we split up the responsibilities around here. It sure beats arguing about it. Did I mention I loathe the litter box?

Anyway, I love my husband, and I will surely miss him, but I know the time will fly by. Also, I know that we have to make some sacrifices to get ahead in life. With the economy the way it is, we feel that we have no choice in the matter, plus his school is being paid for, thank god. Thats all for now, y'all. You will hear some ranting from me soon enough! ;)

With Love,

Blueberries

Dear Reader,
Okay, so a few weeks back I wanted some pancake mix, blueberry to be exact. Now, I understand that there are 'imitation' blueberries in it, but I wanted it, so I bought the mix. And it was good. However, I've been having this weird dream about,not the mix itself, but blueberries. I am not one that usually remembers her dreams, it's rare if I do and the dreams are always in bits and pieces, so lets see if we can make sense of this.

I'm sleeping and someone is demanding some breakfast, (who, I can't figure this out, maybe my cats are hungry?) then I am alarmed to find that blueberries are being tossed at me. One by one, I can feel them being pelted at me, it's annoying. I am then left trying not to squish these strewn blueberries with my feet, or lay on them, (since I am in bed). The very thought of puncturing one or more blueberries is frightening, so I get up slowly, as if to tip-toe around egg shells, and make my way to the bathroom where I look in the mirror and I am covered in blueberry stains, but it looks like blood.

I'm in the shower, trying to come clean of these stains, but I keep tasting the blueberry taste. I then wake up to find Oscar, my new kitten, suckling at my arm like he is trying to find a nipple so he can nurse. Oscar runs away when I make him realize that I am not cat-mommy, but that sucking sound remains imbeded in my memory.

This makes no sense at all, but it is a bit humorous to me. If any of you can shed some light as to why I would be dreaming about something so odd, please share.

With Love,

There Are No Do-Overs!

Dear Reader,
As I nestle into the comforts of my couch, I remember wanting to grow up so damn fast, to be out on my own making money and such. Why did I not believe every adult that told me "There are no do-overs"? I obviously wasn't listening. I mean, I know I could never have stopped time, but I sure could've tried harder to achieve the things that seem so distant to me now.

Now, don't get me wrong, I did follow through with a couple things. I paid my own way through Cosmetology School, got my Master's License, and did hair for ten years or so. But, even that didn't last, I got a bit burned out. ;)

So anyway, in High School, I guess you could say I was a little math-challenged and quit trying so much. I was more content with having a social life and planning that weekend's activities. I wanted out...and quick!

Looking back, being thirty-something, I wish I knew better. I wish I already knew then what I know now, but doesn't everyone at some point? I wish I'd listen to other's advise about how to really use a Credit Card for your own personal gain in the future, get good grades so you can go to college and work towards a good job and not have money struggles...yes, there are certainly no do-overs in life.

But I am happy for the things I achieved and have. I'm grateful for my husband, friends, family, my health, the fact that I have survived some pretty horrible things in my life. I'm most grateful for a forgiving God.

With Love,